ccarothers's Revelife

Oars IN and paddle HARD

Fri, 26 Sep 2008 04:13:28 GMT

I think I know the source of my struggle.

I am scared!

God is trying to lead me into something and I'm being a big chicken because I'm not sure of what that 'something' is and how I'll fair at the end of the struggle.

Tonight (or last night, to be more accurate), at our study, Romans 12:2 was mentioned

'do not conform any longer to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.'

The Greek for transform is Metamorphoo, the mind is drawn immediately to a butterfly.

The butterfly is only the end product of what had to come before...

The struggle and the actually transformation.

I have to ask myself...AM I WILLING TO BE TRANSFORMED?

Will I, in my desire to really know God, stop my striving and my fighting and allow God to change me?

I want God to be my everything, so will I let God be my everything and effectively change my world?

So, do you really believe what you believe is really real?

If so live it and let God change you...

Rough Seas

Wed, 24 Sep 2008 23:06:27 GMT

It has been a rough few months for me spiritually.

And I HATE that!

I know that I harbor notions of God that are soo far from who He really is, but for that life of me I can't seem to get my act together enough to see Him like I should.

My pastor spoke Sunday on how we need reminded of the devils schemes and how he works to discourage us.

He is doing too good a job on this home front and I'm tired of it.

Most of this has to do with a increase of demands in my world AND I know that lows happen, but I want a high for crying out loud!

The lows of my life need to be more opportunities to draw closer to God. I am working to keep my eyes on Him...

In the meantime, I am praying for a vacation.

Avon Calling, no wait that's just work

Mon, 08 Sep 2008 02:48:43 GMT

This has been a long few weeks
I won't go into it though.

I get scared sometimes.
Because I worry that my relationship with God will not be what it should be.
I don't want to become a moderate Christian
Especially at work.

I am a representative of Jesus all the time, but I don't want that to just be a show
I want to be real through and through

I just worry that with my busy schedule that I will not be able to devote enough time to God and so drift from God
My relationship with God is important to me.

I'm doing the best I can
Through fatigue, work, and lack of interest.

But Jesus has done everything for me.
May He continue to be my everything...

Did I just do what I think I just did?

Sun, 31 Aug 2008 16:39:59 GMT

Seriously...
This past week has been the longest week ever.
Like, I want to quit my job(s) and take a permanent vacation, long
It was a week of extreme fatigue, anger, frustration, mistakes, and lots of fear.
and
I am worried that this coming week will just be more of the same.
My pastor mentioned today that sometimes we can mistake our desires for God's will.

That made me stop...

Could I have taken on an extra job (diminishing my chances of getting any sleep), extra responsibility, extra stress for the very wrong reasons?
Was my desire for more experience and extra money just that: My Desire and NOT God's will?

Now I feel torn

Am I really doing this because it just what I want to do, or is it God leading me?
If it's me, will God bless this mess I've gotten myself in?
And if it's Him, is this going to get any better...anytime soon?

I'm just hoping not to be so scared to go to work.

Sam mentioned Psalm 18

1 I love you, O Lord, my strength. 2 The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in
whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. 3 I call to the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and I am saved from my enemies. 4 The cords of death entangled me; the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me. 5 The cords of the grave coiled around me; the snares of death confronted me. 6 In my distress I called to the Lord; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears. (crosswalk.com)

So no matter what, He is still who I need to run to.
I guess I'll tell you who things come along in the next few weeks.

The righteous run into it and they are safe...

Looking A Little tooo Closely

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 18:25:49 GMT

As a red-blooded female, I LIKE BOYS!

I was about 14 when I became a Christian, so I was young enough then that I never became involved in alot of the things that girls my age did.

But I was still boy crazy.

I'm not boy crazy anymore, but I'm not blind either.

So, as a fully aware woman I won't hesitate to tell you that guy at the gym is gorgeous.

As a Christian, who is well aware of sexual immorality, I struggle with the line.

I don't want to be seen slobbering all over said 'hot gym guy', but no interest means no one's interested in me.

What is the line?

As a Christian woman, what do you do when you encounter a gorgeous guy? How do you stop yourself from looking too closely?

I just wonder sometimes.

Single Christian Female

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 01:23:55 GMT

I wrote this post out on xanga a while ago, but it begs repeating because that's just how I feel about it.

Being a single christian woman and in your 20s can add an interesting dimension to your life. The average age that most people get married is in their late 20s, this seems not to apply when you've been raised in the church. The stages go college, boyfriend, fiancee, husband, kids. Being a christian single can be awkward.

So, because I am single and go to church, the women in my church start treating you a certain way.

We'll call it the stages of being a single christian female (see if any of this will apply)

Stage one: This is the stage immediately after college when every lady in the church realizes oh no CC is single. This stage is punctuated by people coming up to you and saying "I'm praying God brings an amazing christian man into your life." The first time I heard this I thought well isn't that nice. This stage doesn't really have an end to it, it serves as a springboard for stage two...

Stage two: This is the 'any eligible man that walks upright and declares a love for Jesus is a potential mate' stage. You know this stage well because any guy who comes to church becomes my next husband. A guy preached at our church this past weekend and it is well known he's single, you know how that turned out. There was a committee of women who discussed the potential of our relationship. That was nipped thank goodness. I am not completely new to this stage but I have graduated from people in my youth group wanting to set me up to the women in the church. I'm in the big leagues now!

Stage three: The divorcees and widowers stage. I am not here yet (and may this time never come), but it looks like every single guy that is available (divorcees and widowers) will become my next blind date.

Now tell me you've not seen this happen to others (or yourself). Be kind to your single people!

Just biding my time

When Did 'Conservative' Become A Cuss Word?

Sat, 16 Aug 2008 23:18:29 GMT

Do you know what frustrates me?

When my conservative behavior is ridiculed.

Being a Christian does not mean I am Republican, a bigot, homophobic or close-minded.

I just am a follower of Jesus who strives to love the Lord

I'm traditional in my thinking and actions.

I try to be mindful of what comes out of my mouth
I don't have promiscuous sex...I hold tight to my purity in fact
I try not to gossip or say mean things about other people
I honestly believe men should be chivalrous and approach females in an honorable way

I don't say this to be prideful, only to show that I try and keep a biblical prospective on living and behaving (because I know I am held accountable for it).

So, I am shocked when people make fun of my pursuit of goodliness/godliness.

Virginity is not ok anymore
and what is said isn't important either

I want to be a pure reflection!

Part of me wonders if making fun is the world's way of blotting out what is can't stand to have revealed as ugliness in them.

My coworkers like to say that they have corrupted me. That statement makes me laugh and very scared at the same time. It tickles me because really I'm just more vocal then when I first got hired, but I'm scared because I pray that I never change so much that I become less of the person that God has meant for me to be.

I want to be personable, but never like the world.

I pray that God is reflected clearly in me and that I remain approachable without ever being corrupted.

In but not of it...

I Detect Some Internet Interest

Fri, 08 Aug 2008 21:07:50 GMT

The internet is great in the possibilities that it opens up. I can look up music, chat with my friends, research my family name. It's the possibilities that makes it so great.

But there is a darker side of the internet. The predators, the spam, the inappropriate websites, and that's just part.

So the question I ask myself is...Is that guy trying to pick me up on the internet ok?

I blog as a form of expression, never to pick up guys. Though I have thought about E-Harmony, I don't because something in me is nervous about the whole online love thing. I have detected some interest from a guy when he responds to some of my entries (not on here), and I don't know whether to just ignore it or be clear that I'm not into exploring a relationship with him.

Now this is complete speculation on my part...Maybe he is lonely, or says overly sweet things to all the girls whose blogs he reads, or maybe he is a psycho killer.

Personally, I'm not comfortable enough with the whole online dating thing to even look into it.

Revelife did a entry on what steps a single should take to find "the one" and I too wonder if I need to do more find him. I just don't know if that includes encouraging the advances of some guy on the internet.

And maybe that's why I'm still single.

I detect some internet interest, I just don't know what I should do about it.

How to be a BETTER Friend

Tue, 05 Aug 2008 00:15:41 GMT

So, I have this friend...

I've known her for years, we went to school together, I've probably known her longer than many of my other friends. You know how that is.

My problem?

Lately, I've been feeling like a bad friend because I know longer want to try and develop that relationship

I knew her long before I became a Christian so she has heard me say and do somethings that I regret (and she sometimes likes to remind me of). She doesn't really follow Jesus and the things she is into I don't at all care about. I've been trying for years to lead her to Jesus and she's taking steps...

BUT the reason I have become more frustrated by this relationship is because for years it's never really been a friendship.

She never asks me how I am, never calls because she wants to talk about what's going on in both our lives, NEVER seems to care about anything else but her.

I know I'm complaining like a 3 year old, but lately my friends have dropped of one by one (either due to marriage or being in school) and I realized that the one relationship I have is one-sided.

That irritates me!!! Maybe it's my selfish side coming out, but I want someone to ask me how I am doing.

Just once can we talk about me (ok I am selfish!)

But the point of this blog is I am frustrated because I don't want to keep it up...I just don't want to tell her that I'm sick of how one sided I feel things are for fear of losing the one 'friend' I feel I have left.

Really I just think I'm a bad friend because of how I'm feeling and my unwillingness to confront her.

So, what's a girl to do? How can I be a better friend? How can I make due with the one relationship I have

I don't know, but I'll give it some thought.

Desperately Wanting

Sat, 02 Aug 2008 03:44:20 GMT

I am single

That is not a big surprise...to anyone really.

But the thing I think about is whether or not getting married is what's in the plan for me.

Not that I don't REALLY REALLY want to get married, but I wonder (considering my terminal singleness at this time) sometimes if I'm cut out for marriage.

You know that feeling? Am I worthy of marriage, am I ok with my baggage to the point that I can allow someone else to look into my luggage, am I even willing to give up myself enough to be with someone when I've never even been in a relationship before?

These are some heavy question that I seriously consider.

Though I am sometimes frustrated by my apparent unapproachableness, being single really is comfortable because I know it. I know what it is to depend on myself, to trust God, and so on. At this point, being with someone is very unfamiliar territory almost dangerous and scary.

I'm not one of those girls who had a time table for when I was going to be married or a plan to have my first child before 30 years old. But like every girl I do hope I'm great enough a pick that someone would have snatched me up by now.

Doesn't someone else think I'm hot stuff here?

Come on PEOPLE!

So I am wondering what the outcome will be in a few years for me. I am 24 now you know, and at 30 will I have been married for a couple of years with a few children or will I still be single...Not quite desperately wanting, but maybe a little more comfortable in my apparent terminal singleness? Time will tell I suppose.

One of my favorite verses is from Proverbs

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight."
Proverbs 3:5&6

I say that sometimes for the moments I really feel I'm desperately wanting and try and remember there is more to this life then a man to be with me forever. I'm trying to trust.